Dear Why Is Home So Different?,
This is a great question—and the first thing we want families to know is that behavior being different across environments is information, not evidence that anyone is doing something wrong.
Behavior doesn't happen in a vacuum. It is influenced by what is happening around a person: the environment, expectations, people present, communication demands, available supports, reinforcement history, fatigue, predictability, sensory experiences, and many other variables.
So rather than asking: “Why can my child behave at therapy but not at home?”
A BCBA might ask: “What is different between these environments, and what can that difference teach us?”
Being Able to Do Something Isn't the Same as Being Able to Do It Everywhere
One of the most important concepts in ABA is generalization. A child might learn to ask for a break with their RBT but not yet use that skill when Grandma takes them shopping.
They might tolerate waiting for a preferred toy in the clinic but struggle when their sibling has the tablet at home.
They might transition successfully between two familiar clinic activities but have difficulty leaving the playground.
Learning a skill in one environment doesn't automatically mean a child can use it with different people, in different places, or under different circumstances. That's why meaningful ABA cannot stop at “they can do it in the clinic.”
We want skills to work where children actually live their lives.
But There's Another Possibility We Should Pay Attention To
Sometimes dramatically different behavior across environments can tell us something else.
A child appearing extremely compliant or showing very little challenging behavior during therapy does not automatically mean they are comfortable, engaged, or successfully learning.
We also want to know: What is making the behavior different?
For example, is the child:
- Genuinely comfortable and successfully using new skills?
- Receiving more predictable support at therapy?
- Experiencing fewer difficult situations there?
- Getting their needs met more quickly?
- Receiving one-to-one adult attention that isn't possible at home?
- Encountering different expectations?
- Holding it together during therapy and releasing accumulated stress once they reach a more familiar environment?
- Learning that certain forms of communication aren't effective with adults in one setting?
- Participating because they want to—or because they have learned that participation is the only way to access preferred activities?
Those possibilities mean very different things clinically.
Low rates of challenging behavior alone don't tell us which explanation is correct.
“But They Do It for Their Therapist…”
Families sometimes hear:
“Well, they do it for me,” a statement isn't particularly helpful by itself.
If a child can successfully complete something with an RBT but cannot do it with their caregiver, our job isn't to conclude that the caregiver simply needs to be firmer or more consistent. Our job is to figure out why. Maybe the RBT has spent months carefully building the skill. Maybe therapy provides more reinforcement, prompting, predictability, or individual attention. Maybe home has siblings, dinner cooking, homework, pets, fatigue, noise, and three other things happening at once. Maybe the skill hasn't been systematically generalized. Or maybe we're asking the child to demonstrate a skill under conditions they aren't ready to navigate independently yet.
That is exactly the kind of information a BCBA should be interested in.
Home Is Also Different Because It's Home
ABA sessions are often designed environments. Home isn't. At home, parents are making dinner, helping siblings, answering the phone, getting everyone out the door, managing bedtime, finding missing shoes, and trying to remember whether anyone fed the dog.
Real life is messy.
A strategy that only works when one adult can provide continuous one-to-one attention isn't necessarily a functional strategy for a family. Part of effective ABA is figuring out how skills and supports fit into the family's actual routines, rather than expecting the family to turn their home into an ABA clinic.
What Does This Look Like at GVBSC?
At Grand Valley Behavior, we don't want success to exist only inside our walls.
If a child is thriving with us but struggling significantly somewhere else, we want to know about it.
That may mean:
- Looking at what is different across environments
- Observing the child in naturally occurring routines
- Collaborating closely with caregivers
- Teaching skills across different people, activities, and settings
- Practicing communication when the child actually needs to communicate
- Adjusting antecedents and environmental supports
- Helping caregivers understand what behavior may be communicating
- Teaching caregivers strategies that are realistic for everyday life
- Asking whether our intervention is producing meaningful change outside of therapy
Sometimes we need to change what we're teaching.
Sometimes we need to change how we're teaching it.
And sometimes the adults—including us—need to change the environment.
What Should Parents Look For?
Instead of only asking, “Is my child behaving better during therapy?”, consider asking:
- Is my child's life getting better?
- Are they communicating their wants and needs more effectively?
- Are everyday routines becoming easier?
- Can they ask for help, space, or a break?
- Are they becoming more independent?
- Can they use new skills with different people?
- Are they participating in more family and community activities?
- Do the adults around them understand their behavior better?
- Are challenging situations becoming more manageable—not because the child has simply learned to suppress their response, but because they have better skills and better support?
Those outcomes tell us much more about whether intervention is actually working.
So Why Does My Child Fall Apart at Home?
There isn't one universal answer. And that's the point. A meaningful ABA program shouldn't simply tell you, “They don't do that here.”
Why don't they do it here? Why is it happening there? What's different? What skill or support might be missing? And what can we change to help?
Because the ultimate goal isn't to create a child who looks successful during ABA.
It's to help build skills, environments, and support systems that allow that child to be successful in their actual life.
Sincerely,
GVBSC BCBA