Dear Does “No” Have to Be a Word?,
This is such an important question because assent is much more than asking a child, “Do you want to do this?” and waiting for a verbal yes or no.
What Is Assent?
In simple terms, assent means paying attention to whether a child is willing to participate.
For some children, that might look like saying “yes,” approaching an activity, asking to continue, laughing, engaging with another person, or bringing an adult something they want to do.
But assent isn't always communicated with words.
A child might communicate that they do not want to participate by:
- Moving away
- Turning their body or head
- Pushing materials away
- Becoming quiet or withdrawn
- Saying “no,” “stop,” or “all done”
- Covering their ears
- Seeking space
- Showing increasing signs of frustration or distress
- Attempting to leave an activity or interaction
Our job is not to decide that those behaviors “don't count” because the child didn't use the exact words we expected.
Our job is to listen.
Does That Mean We Never Ask Children to Do Hard Things?
No.
Respecting assent does not mean a child never experiences a challenge, frustration, disappointment, or something they wouldn't necessarily choose on their own.
Children need opportunities to learn how to navigate difficult situations, build independence, tolerate everyday challenges, and develop new skills.
The difference is how we support them through those experiences.
There is an important difference between:
“You have to do this because I said so.”
and
“I can see this is hard. Let's figure out what you're communicating and how I can help.”
Sometimes the answer is changing the activity. Sometimes it's offering a break. Sometimes it's teaching the child a more effective way to communicate. Sometimes it's modifying the environment or our expectations. And sometimes it's helping a child gradually build confidence with something that is difficult but important.
What Does Assent Look Like at GVBSC?
At Grand Valley Behavior, respecting assent means our BCBAs and RBTs are expected to pay attention to the whole child—not just whether a program was completed.
We want our team asking questions like:
- Is this child comfortable and regulated?
- Are they choosing to interact with me?
- What is their behavior communicating?
- Have I created a reason for them to want to engage?
- Am I asking for something that is developmentally appropriate and meaningful?
- Can I change my approach instead of expecting the child to simply comply?
- Does this skill actually improve this child's quality of life?
That last question is especially important.
The goal of ABA should not be to create a child who is really good at doing whatever an adult tells them to do.
The goal is to help children develop meaningful skills that increase communication, independence, safety, connection, self-advocacy, and quality of life.
Why Does This Matter?
When we teach children that their communication matters, we aren't interfering with learning.
We are teaching something incredibly important.
We are teaching:
“My communication has meaning.”
“I can ask for help.”
“I can say I need a break.”
“I can tell someone when I'm uncomfortable.”
“Adults will listen to me.”
And, eventually:
“I can advocate for myself.”
Those are skills we want children to carry far beyond an ABA session.
Assent isn't about removing expectations or avoiding every difficult moment. It's about recognizing that children are active participants in their own learning—and treating their communication, comfort, autonomy, and dignity accordingly.
Sincerely,
GVBSC BCBA